Moving to a new territory is never easy in the first couple of months. This is something I was fully aware of when I made the trip from Bangkok to Los Angeles. The past 2 months living here has been much more than I expected. Juggling the fact I have no job, my passion, and the lack of interest in myself for employment has been tough on my mind.
Living on your own brings it pros and cons. There are a lot of obligation you have to satisfy before you can fully be freed from what is holding you down. Unfortunately I am not the type to focus on what is needed to be done but rather what I want to do. Getting back into the hobby full time was a decision I made almost a year ago and I intended to stick to my guns this time by not bailing out when things do not go to plan. So far, I have been doing what I set out to but I feel so tired.
I recently moved in with my girlfriend and there is where the problems begin. As you may know, the fact of boys playing with plastic toy soldiers or "dolls" is normally a big turn off for most women. Once you also add into the pot that I am addicted to computer gaming as well, I am the classic "Geek" whom girls do not wish to hang out or be associated with. I do understand that I am not in high school anymore and the days of labeling a book by its cover is long gone. Yet, I bet you also felt it sometime as well. You know, that feeling where the things you enjoy may not be socially accepted and is considered just plain odd.
Where am I going with this, you may ask. My girlfriend had a certain image of me she held on or created when we were first dating. Now that we are living together. The things that she did not know are starting to emerge and the person whom she thought I was is turning out to be just an imagination. So naturally, she is beginning to look at and even talk to me differently. For those who have been through something like this, it is not a good feeling to have hanging over your shoulders.
The fact that I am still unemployed even if I do have a Bachelor's Degree with a good GPA and plenty of work experience just adds to the stress I am feeling. My saving is evaporating really fast and I don't have much time left until I am flat broke.
So why am I talking about my girlfriend and unemployment?
Here is the thing. I have been constantly purchasing my fix of warhammer over the past two months. I have ordered my tools and gadgets that I had back in Thailand through the magical yellow site called Amazon.com (the devil it is for your wallet) The amount of my possessions has been slowing increasing while the space in "her" apartment is getting smaller. Just add all of the problems I have talked about in this post and you will understand why I am complaining about it instead of making models.
In the end, being a war gamer is a tough gig. It pushes you into the focus of attention for people who do not really understand to poke you with sticks in the form of words and gossip. I have no idea what my plan is going to be but all I know is I need a job and fast.
Oh, it does not help either that games-workshop decided to flip their paint range to oblivion. Now I have to buy new paint as well. Great.......